Mom Lessons From a Buffet Table

We have all had the experience at a family gathering, church supper, or social event. We’ve found ourselves at a giant buffet table crammed with homemade foods. Delicious? For sure. Perilous? When you have a couple of young, picky eaters – yep. Overwhelming? A little. I want to share a few nuggets of wisdom I have found at buffet tables along the way, tucked between the broccoli casserole and deviled eggs.

If you try to carry two or three plates at once, you might drop one

I have three children, and I am sure there were many many occasions where friends or family members watched in amusement as I tried to balance three kid plates and one adult plate while scooping food and holding four sets of silverware with my pinky. Anyone else? (Same person who, after my weekly trip to the grocery store, will try to carry so many bags that I have indentions on my forearms for hours.) Why do I try to carry more than I should? Why does it feel important to avoid multiple trips? Do I think I am impressing other mothers with my amazing balancing skills? Do I pride myself in being efficient? Strong?

Efficiency is important to me. I think it’s because I don’t like waste; I especially don’t like to waste time or energy. And I do like to be strong. But in more occasions than I would like to admit, I dropped something, forgot something and had to go back anyway, or was slowed down to the point that I actually could have completed the task faster if I had done one thing at a time. This happens to me often in life. I tend to load myself up, only recognizing the giant load after trying to take a few steps. 

But here’s the thing. I’m not wasting time. I’m living my life and taking care of myself and others. I’m doing things at my own pace, and we are all different. It is possible to complete tasks AND enjoy yourself… as long as you are present and aware. Present in the moment. Aware of the life and care involved in your task. So now I try to consider what I’m about to carry before I pick it all up. And sometimes, I realize it’s gonna take a little time and it’s gonna take several trips and that is really for the best. 

Balance balance balance

You scan the food that stretches out on the buffet table before you. You may be tempted to choose all comfort foods. I usually am. But although the comfort feelings may hang around while you are enjoying your mac & cheese and fried chicken, you may end up feeling heavy and unhealthy shortly after. And that giant piece of Aunt Linda’s pound cake slides down beautifully but sits like a rock. I’ve learned to remember that some food is “fuel” and other food is a “treat.” Treats are fine, but should be preserved as such—they have to be limited and infrequent in order to be special. I cannot put all treat food on my plate and expect my body to feel good and run well afterward. Especially long-term. 

This goes for food, but it also goes for life. We’ve got to be careful to make sure we don’t fill our plates or our time with “treats” that can be enjoyed in limited amounts but can also become unhealthy habits if consumed too much or too often. Some activities—like vegging out to several hours of Netflix instead of getting enough sleep, spending time mindlessly on social media, drinking/eating alcohol or sugar as a reward after a hard day—can turn from being ways we treat ourselves or relax into counterproductive habits. Balance is challenging when you’re chauffeuring, checking homework/grades, cleaning up, making/keeping appointments, cleaning up again, etc. But make time to assess how you treat yourself to make sure the activities are serving you well and actually contributing to your wellness. 

Leave some space on your plate

We’ve all been guilty of mindlessly filling our plates with the first foods we see at the buffet, and by the time we get to the end of the table, there’s no room for any Pineapple Cheese Casserole (isn’t that a weird but delectable dish?!). I learned this from a friend of mine years ago. Be intentional about the foods you’re choosing AND about leaving a blank spot on your plate. That way, when there is a delightful surprise down at the very end of the table, you’ll have room for it!

This has been a hugely important lesson for me. I’m someone who had FOMO (fear of missing out). I wanted it all. I wanted to try and do it all, too (partly because I felt the need to make everyone happy and didn’t want to let anyone down—additional personal issues we don’t have time to discuss;). Sometimes, that meant that I was so busy or tired I had no room for spontaneous moments. A friend asking me to grab coffee, one of my kids’ friends asking about a last-minute play date, a spontaneous night out for ice cream, a hike by myself—I simply had no room on my plate because it was already overflowing. I stayed overly busy instead of realizing that saying no and keeping some space/time in my life was not selfish but a big part of taking care of myself. And, duh… no surprise here, and not sure why it took me a long time to realize… learning healthy boundaries that involve space and down-time are key to being the calm, kind mother I want to be. So don’t feel bad about saying “no” to something, even if you aren’t replacing that something with a new activity. The space is precious, and sometimes you’ll find that Miss Vera’s strawberry cobbler made it to the buffet… and you have room!

Article written by:

Sarah Thomas, a mom in Boiling Springs, NC