Boost Your Emotional Well-being

Do you ever find yourself feeling blah? Unmotivated? Exhausted? At some points in life, we all find ourselves feeling this way especially if we are grieving the loss of something we love. Life can also become so busy or overwhelming that we simply fail to “stop and smell the roses.” And if I’m really honest, there have been times I didn’t even notice the roses. (Are you sure they were there?) Sometimes, we find ourselves just going through the motions, but not really living.

What can you do to change that?

Positive psychology researchers have found that gratitude increases your well-being and satisfaction with life. You don’t have to land your dream job or be in a committed romantic relationship to find happiness. Gratitude is about changing your internal perspective about what happens in life.

The Bible teaches us that we are to “rejoice in the Lord always” (Phil. 4:4), and to “give thanks in all circumstances” (I Thess. 5:18), but how do you do that when life doesn’t seem to give you anything about which to rejoice or give thanks?

Pray

First, many of us miss 1 Thessalonians 5:17 that tells us to “pray continually.” God beckons us to go to Him first! Pour out your heart to Him with the weight of your full emotions. He can handle it, and He won’t turn away. He is full of compassion and mercy (Psalm 86:15). Don’t give up when life is hard—keep praying! Keep on asking and seeking Him.

Look For Your Wins

Second, look for your wins. No one does everything wrong even though our feelings may tell us differently. Did you get up today? Did you shower? Did you walk the dog? Did you feed, bathe, and care for a child? Did you take time to eat a meal? If you did any of these things, you made a conscious choice to do them. You didn’t have to, but you did. Now, some of those choices would have really awful consequences if you didn’t do them, but most of them would be minor. You might think, “So, what? I ate something. Big deal.” But on the other hand, you might think, “Well, of course, I took care of my child!”

Many times, in life, we don’t give ourselves credit for the things we are doing right. We discount them as no big deal or as something that we must do because we have to. Our brains are wired to look for the negative—the things we are doing wrong and the wrong happening around us—but when we shift our thoughts to focusing on the positive things and the right choices we make, we can begin to retrain our brain to look for the positive. How do you do that?

Well, it’s not pretending that things are okay when they are not. God never calls us to pretend; He calls us to tell the truth about what is happening in ourselves, others, and the world around us. But the more you dwell on the negative, the more your thoughts will have a tendency to be more negative.

Practice Gratitude

A study was done to determine the effect that gratitude had on the individuals in the study (Cunha, et al., 2019). One group was asked to write down 5 hassles they experienced during the day, another group was asked to write down 5 events that affected them, and a third group was asked to write down 5 things in life for which they were grateful when they reflected on the day. They did this every day for two weeks. At the end of the intervention, the group that listed what they were grateful for had the biggest increase in positive affect, subjective happiness and life satisfaction, and had less depression symptoms. The most significant change was that of emotional well-being in the gratitude group over the hassle and control groups. Just think if the individuals in the study could increase their emotional well-being in only two weeks what you could do in a year? So, go ahead and grab a notebook and pen and list what you are grateful for each day. This is the third thing you can do.

Build Positive Relationships

The fourth thing you can do is to build positive relationships. We are hard-wired for relational connection. Research shows that we help to co-regulate each other. When we have a felt sense of safety and security with loving, supportive, and responsive people, it helps our brain to reduce the sense of threat and lowers anxiety. These relationships are mutual, reciprocal, and give each person the freedom to be themselves and make their own choices without fear of retaliation or rejection. Look for people that you do not need to “fix” and who do not feel the need to try to “fix” you. They love and enjoy you just for being you!

So, now the choice is yours. What will you do? Will you keep doing the same things you are doing because change sounds hard? Just think of how difficult it is to keep living blah, unmotivated, and exhausted. If this is you, what you are doing isn’t working well. Would you be willing to try this every day for just two weeks without missing a day to see if it might improve your overall well-being? And if you notice a difference, would you be willing to keep doing it to sustain the change? What do you have to lose except a less than satisfying life? What do you have to gain?

If you’d like to learn more about grief and post-traumatic growth, you can visit my website at www.delightedbygrace.com.

Article written by:

Wendy Douglas, Biblical Counselor

References

Brubacher, L., (2017). Emotionally focused individual therapy: An attachment-based experiential/systemic perspective. Person-Centered & Experiential Psychotherapies 16(1), 50-67. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/14779757.2017.129250

Cunha, L. F., Pellanda, L. C., & Reppold, C. R. (2019). Positive psychology and gratitude interventions: A randomized clinical trial. Frontiers in Psychology 10, Article 584. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584

Helpguide.org. Cultivating happiness. Accessed June 8, 2021.